Have you ever had so many thoughts that you couldn’t actually… think. Like, your brain is empty, but you feel every thought that’s in there ? This is what I felt on November 3rd 2021. Let me set the scene, you’re peacefully sleeping, only to be woken by… the actual worst call you have had to answer so far in life. 4:00 am, and I am told my soul sister, my best friend is… gone. Gone. Passed in the night. Even typing this now, I can’t ! It’s exactly a year and three months since I found out, and a small, torturous part of me, continuously, keeps me from believing this fact. How can, the literal sun of everyone’s day, be gone ? How can the one person that understood me, and stayed, be gone ? Those people that have a mutual understanding of your unconditional love and support without speaking every day? This was her. Unless you’ve experienced this, You can ONLY imagine the heartbreak and mental war that so many of her loved ones are going through. This is where I begin, and end in so many ways. Everyday afterwards, until… well yesterday to be Frank, it was a struggle to breathe, get out of bed, or even look at a picture of her without breaking. However, I came across many things within my supportive Twitter family, that really started healing me. I found myself drinking one night ( I’ve never been a drinker!) Why did I let my vibrations get so low that I was convinced that destroying my gut with alcohol would improve my mental health on this subject? Because I was hurt that “she left.” If you’ve reached any kind of higher knowledge on death, you know this is the absolute most selfish thing to think. You are putting yourself though hell, because you lost someone from this earth, an earth that didn’t even deserve this person in the first place. An earth that did nothing but show her why her selfless heart got taken advantage of so much. An earth that isn’t the place for true. True. Angels. She became an Angel in the universe overnight to start a journey that is truly and entirely for her, and her only. This realization was a hurtful one, because I wanted to feel my emotions. But, the trick is, honor your passed loved ones, while coping. So, I began living as she would. Even on days that I can’t breath, on days I just want to lay in bed and cry. On days I want the world to stop…it’s doesn’t, this is where I begin, So instead I smile at the person screaming at me, I laugh with the people that make me feel insecure, I love the people that don’t know how to love me back. Because THAT is what this Angel would be proud of me for.